An entry devoted to Funny Quotes

One of my favorite features on the Livejournal is the funny quote section of certain entries. Most of the time (if not all the time), all of them are just random sayings that have nothing to do with the topic (as are those interesting facts, websites, and songs I’m listening to). Well, they’re still funny and here are not only some funny quotes, but better jokes I could have told in certain points.

Actual Quotes

  • “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”-Abraham Lincoln
  • “Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.”-Ronald Reagan
  • “I was born to talk. My father was a tobacco auctioneer, and my mother a woman”-Bob Hope
  • sumGuy116: “Pomona [college] has a chant.. when they’re losing… ‘that’s alrite.. that’s ok.. you’ll all work for us one day’ ” (editors note: gee, and I thought Stanfurd was preppy)
  • Vicki when describing Vin Diesel, “He’s got to be the sexiest ugly-guy ever.” (editors note: does that even make sense?)

What I should have said when… or Funny quotes that never were

I was coming home and then saw Eugene trying to ride piggyback on Christina as I came back to the room.
Both look at me awkwardly.
Me: “Okaaay. [me holding door and about ready to shut it] I’m gonna try this again. I want you both sitting there on the bed, playing Tetris Attack. I’m gonna go out now, and as I’m about to enter the room, I want Christina to laugh and say ‘you’re such a dork. Got it?'”

During some weird scenario
Me: “This is like that show with that weird host and with that scary theme song and then people go off to those weird places.”
Friend: “Yeah it does kind of remind me of The Twilight Zone.”
Me: “Twilight Zone? I was talking about Mr. Roger’s.”

Gee I thought I had more of these. I guess I don’t, but I hope I put a smile on your face.