Here’s are some of the things that one magazine hates about the Republican National Convention in New York. The complete list can be found at this NYPress article, which I found via this Boing Boing post. It is from a New York perspective, but it’s still funny.
1001. [The] City’s collective IQ drops eight points, temporarily tying us with Seattle.
999. Rudy Giuliani caught backstage in Nosferatu pose, muttering, “Soon all this will be mine!”
998. Protest war stories from people who spent previous 364 days watching MTV.
980. TV audiences deprived of sole entertainment angle on convention: Viewers will not get to see the phonetic spellings in the teleprompter text of George Bush’s speech.
935. White House advisor Matthew Dowd says for Bush not to mention 9/11 “would be like Roosevelt not talking about Pearl Harbor.”
934. In fact, Roosevelt didn’t mention Pearl Harbor at the 1944 Democratic convention.
927. Chinese Communist Party will think this is “what Democracy looks like,” setting democratic reforms back 50 years.
922. [The New York Times guide for delegates] also includes translation of word “Yo!” for visitors (it’s a “common salutation”).
903. Donna Sheehan, founder of nude protest group Baring Witness, on political strategy: “At any time or place, any woman might expose all–and I mean all–for peace and justice. Her only intent is to seduce men into listening.”
902. Sheehan is in her seventies.
891. Investment bankers no longer the only obvious jerks in town.
890. Mock disco-dancing appearance by Staten Island Republican Congressman Vito Fossella at the “Sunday Night Fever Party” at Roseland Ballroom.
889. We’re not kidding about that Fossella item.
881. The last time Schwarzenegger was on film in New York was Last Action Hero. Clearly, no good can come of this.
846. Visiting women in expensive shoes overheard screeching, “Ohmigod! I feel, like, so Carrie Bradshaw!”
811. Massive comeback for the Ghostbusters logo.
810. Recurring Stay Puff Marshmallow Man nightmares triggered by return of Ghostbusters logo.
808. Abraham Lincoln not arisen from the dead to say, “Dude, where’s my party?”
773. “I believe President Bush is a good Christian.” –Fellow Good Christian Bill Clinton, speaking Sunday at Riverside Church.
727. Arnold Schwarzenegger keeps calling us a bunch of girlymen.
726. We’re forced to remember that he’s actually governor of California.
723. No one notices that his man-tits have grown weak and saggy; big-media fails to ridicule them.
722. And yet, there weren’t nearly enough pyrotechnics when he took the stage.
Alright, I might develop carpal tunnel syndrome if I paste any more. Laters.