Campaign to combat bad body odor

My friend (whose name I will keep hidden) sent me a letter he is writing to someone (whose name I will also keep hidden) who apparently smells bad. Very bad. Apparently, it’s so bad, he’s been gathering signatures to petition that he bathe and clean himself up. I have no way of knowing if any of this is true (and I honestly doubt it is, but you never know in this crazy world), so I have hid all the names to prevent anyone from being hurt needlessly.

We, the undersigned, were disgusted and flabbergasted when [the person in question] admitted that he did not brush his teeth daily. After he confirmed this travesty, “Deep Throat” informed us that he has failed to shower or properly bathe for more than 16,071 days (or about 44 years).

[Person], we hereby formally and sincerely ask that you change your uncleanly ways. We are asking that you brush your teeth for a minimum of 30 seconds daily (two to three minutes would be ideal) and pray that you will shower 4-7 times a week.

By achieving these seemingly minimal standards your unbearable blend of gasoline, onions, and body odor will be drastically reduced, if not altogether eliminated.

Talk about scary. Apparently, my friend will be sending this letter to the press. I have no idea if they’ll do anything about it, but if you see anything that sounds like this, just remember you heard it hear first.

4 Replies to “Campaign to combat bad body odor”

  1. Seriously…

    I really don’t know. He says he talked to his mom about it, but still this one of those things I have to see to believe. I am not posting a name anywhere, because if it turns out to be incorrect, it might be considered libel (something I learned at one of our seminars at U.S. News).

    He said he was contacting the press to see if they were willing to do a story on this. Who knows? But remember…

  2. Re: Seriously…

    But even if it is libel, it isn’t likely that someone would sue you, would they? Especially since you stated that this might not be true and whatnot.

    Wow, some friend, lol.

  3. Re: Seriously…

    I’m less worried about a lawsuit, and more about spreading a rumor that is untrue. I have to see and met this guy for myself to believe it.

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